


He's Gone

by Fluffyllamas22



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, References to Depression, Victor thinks Yuuri is dead for a while but he's not and it all works out I promise, don't read if you don't like sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 21:18:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12262287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffyllamas22/pseuds/Fluffyllamas22
Summary: Victor wakes with a start, gasping for breath.  His skin is slick with sweat and his bangs are plastered to his forehead as his chest heaves.  He’s panting, chest and throat tight as he fights back tears.God, he’s so sick of crying.He wishes it was just a nightmare, he would give anything for this to just be a bad dream he could wake up from, but it’s not.Yuuri is gone, and there’s nothing he can do to bring him back.*In which a tragedy hits Victor Nikiforov, he spirals and doesn't know how to get on with his life.





	He's Gone

Victor wakes with a start, gasping for breath.  His skin is slick with sweat and his bangs are plastered to his forehead as his chest heaves.  He’s panting, chest and throat tight as he fights back tears.

_God_ , he’s so sick of crying.  

He wishes it was just a nightmare, he would give  _anything_  for this to just be a bad dream he could wake up from, but it’s not.  

Yuuri is gone, and there’s nothing he can do to bring him back.

His eyes drift to Yuuri’s side of the bed.  It’s still made from the morning of that  _awful_  day a week and a half ago, and Victor’s mind drifts to all the times he’s teased Yuuri for making his bed each morning.  

_“Why do you always make the bed when you’re just going to get back into it later?” Victor asks, wrapping Yuuri in a hug and kissing his cheek. “You’re so silly, lapochka.”_

But now Yuuri is gone…Yuuri is gone, and Victor’s never going to be able to hold him again.  

What he won’t give to hold him one last time.

Victor climbs out from underneath his covers, and gets on Yuuri’s side.  He clutches Yuuri’s pillow, burying his face in it.  

Makkachin whines, and nudges Victor’s arm.

_“I don’t know about this, Victor,” Yuuri says, hugging his ski poles to his chest as he stares down the mountain warily._

_“Don’t worry, Yuuri! Skiing is so much fun, you’re going to **love**  it!”_

_“I just…it’s such a tall mountain…I’ve never been skiing before, shouldn’t…I don’t know…shouldn’t I start on a_ **_smaller_ ** _hill? Work up to this one?”_

Victor should have listened…if he had just  _listened_  for once, Yuuri would still be here.  Yuuri would still be here, and he wouldn’t have had to endure so much pain. Victor wouldn’t have had to witness his fiancé lose his footing and plummet down the hill, hitting  _every rock and tree on his way to the bottom_.

Victor was with him in his last moments.  He was there, clutching Yuuri’s hand, begging him not to go.

There were fevered murmurs that everything would be okay.  _Everything would be okay, and Yuuri would be just fine_.

Plans were made.  They were going to go on a date, Victor promised Yuuri that they would do whatever he wanted.  

_“Y-you’ll…ngggh…you’ll go c-cave exploring w-with me?”_

_“Yes! Yes, I’d love to, yes…we-we’ll go in the morning.”_

_“You h-hate caves, you g-get c-claustrophobic” Yuuri gasps in pain, wrapping his arm around his middle as he writhes.  White hot pain blinds him, his entire body hurts._

_Tears blur Victor’s vision as he adjusts himself so that Yuuri’s head is in his lap. “I’d love to explore a cave with you.”_

_A strangled sob escapes Yuuri’s mouth, and he squeezes his eyes shut._

_“It h-hurts, Vitya.”_

_“I know, lyubov moya, I know,” Victor says gently, carding his fingers through Yuuri’s hair._

_“I’m tired.”_

_“Don’t go to sleep, hey, look at me, stay awake, okay? Stay with me.”_

_“I love you…I love you so much.”_

_“I love you, too,” Victor sobs, cupping Yuuri’s face as he peppers him with kisses._

_Yuuri’s eyes slide shut, and his head lolls to the side. Victor feels for a pulse with shaky hands, and when he realizes he can’t find one, his heart stops._

_Victor slumps over Yuuri’s lifeless body, gripping him tightly as screams of agony rip from his throat._

_No.  No, no, no, no, no, no, **no**._

* * *

It’s been two weeks since Yuuri’s death, and the grief is suffocating.  Victor can’t breathe, he can’t sleep, he can’t eat, he’s just barely hanging on.

He hates himself, because he’s the reason Yuuri is gone, and he  _didn’t even go to the hospital to say goodbye._

He  _loathes_  himself.

He’ll never get another chance to say goodbye.  

He’s a coward, too, because he shut off his phone so that he doesn’t have to face Yuuri’s family.  How is he supposed to look them in the eye and tell them that  _he’s_  the reason why Yuuri’s life was cut short. Yuuri (perfect,  _beautiful_  Yuuri, who deserved so much more, who had so much going for him) was gone, and it was caused by the one person who was never supposed to hurt him.  Victor was supposed to protect him always, but instead, he was selfish and put him in harm’s way…and Yuuri suffered because of it.

* * *

Three more weeks pass, and Victor no longer feels.  It just seems like he’s going through the motions.

He can no longer skate.  He tried to visit the rink two weeks after the  _incident_ , but he had a panic attack in the parking lot, and he cried in his seat for two hours before he was okay enough to drive home. Why should Victor get to skate? Why should he get to do what Yuuri loved more than  _anything_?  _Why should Victor get to do something Yuuri would never be able to do again_? 

The one thing that brought Victor joy in life is gone…the one person who brought him joy in life is  _gone_.  How is he supposed to move past this?

* * *

Another week passes, and Victor has all but given up.  He can’t go into the bedroom anymore…he can’t stand to be in the same bed he and Yuuri used to share.

Instead, he’s camped out on the couch, and spends his day, wrapped in a blanket, staring blankly at the TV.  It’s not even on, but he doesn’t care.  

* * *

Sometime later (Victor has lost count of the days), his front door handle jiggles. Victor shoots into a sitting position, tugging the blankets tighter around himself as he stares at the door.  

As soon as it opens, he lets out a cry of disbelief, heart pounding and stomach rising to his throat as he looks at the person standing in the doorway.

It’s  _Yuuri_ , but it  _can’t_  be.  How can it be Yuuri? Yuuri is _gone_.  He’s not coming back.  

His mind _has_  to be playing tricks on him, it  _has_  to be.  

But…

“Where have you been?” Yuuri whimpers, face crumpling as he stares at his fiancé.  

“Y-yuuri?” Victor whispers, voice rough and hoarse from weeks of disuse.  

He scrambles to his feet, tripping over the blankets he’s gotten himself tangled in, and hurries over to where Yuuri is standing.  

“Wh-what a-are y-you-” Victor breaks off into a sob, wrapping his arms around Yuuri’s neck as he slumps into him.  He’s too exhausted and distraught to stand upright anymore.

Victor clings to him.

“I can’t believe it, I c-can’t b-believe you’re h-here…I th-thought you d-died…Y-Yuuri I m-missed y-you.  I’m sorry, I’m so, s-so sorry…it’s a-all my f-fault, I’m s-so sorry, I th-thought you died, I c-can’t believe you’re h-here…I’m sorry,” Victor sobs, clutching him tightly, head buried in Yuuri’s chest.  

Yuuri hugs him tightly, eyes filled with tears as his chokes on a sob.  

Victor is gasping for breath. He can’t breathe, and it isn’t until Yuuri lowers him to the ground and pulls him into his lap, that Victor realizes he’s hyperventilating.  

“Breathe, Victor.   _Breathe_.”

“H-how a-are you h-here? Wh-what h-happened? I thought you d-died.”

“I almost did,” Yuuri whispers, “but I’m okay…some internal bleeding…I - um - fractured my skull and some ribs…I’m okay…I tried calling you.”

“I turned off my phone…Yuuri, I’m so sorry, this is all my fault, I should have listened to you, I’m so sorry.”

Yuuri cups Victor’s cheek, and wipes his tears with his thumb, “so…can we still go cave-exploring?”

Victor throws himself at Yuuri, wrapping his arms around his neck as he presses his face into Yuuri’s neck.  

“Yes,” he laughs tearily, “yes we can  _absolutely_  go cave-exploring.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, guys! I have this uploaded on Tumblr, but I wanted to jump on the whole uploading my fics from tumblr on AO3 bandwagon lol. I hope you enjoyed this and let me know what you think <3


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